


A double bed And a stalwart lover for sure

by Justalittlebitlonely



Series: Cause I want the one I can't have And it's driving me mad [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Feminization, Headcanon, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Harry, M/M, Mpreg Harry, Pregnancy Kink, Protective Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23315041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justalittlebitlonely/pseuds/Justalittlebitlonely
Summary: Harry wants a baby.Everyone knows it; it’s a common knowledge, and you can see it on his face whenever a baby appears in his visible range.But, what nobody knows is he wants to get pregnant. God he wants to get pregnant so badly: wants to feel the baby kicking against his ribs during the day, wants to have that pregnancy glow, the morning sickness and the most important, he wants a baby bump.A beautiful and small baby bump, for everyone to touch, rub and for his husband to kiss and whisper sweet nothings to their baby.But that’s not how biology works.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Cause I want the one I can't have And it's driving me mad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676677
Comments: 5
Kudos: 84





	A double bed And a stalwart lover for sure

**Author's Note:**

> Title from I Want the One I Can't Have by The Smiths.
> 
> Hello there this is my second fic , Its a headcanon that's been in my phone notes for a while and since I'm in quarentine .I decided to post it . 
> 
> I'm planning to do a series of it since I have more ideas coming up so feel free to comment if you want more of this .

_ Harry wants a baby. _

Everyone knows it; it’s a common knowledge, and you can see it on his face whenever a baby appears in his visible range.

But, what nobody knows is he wants to get pregnant. God he wants to get pregnant so badly: wants to feel the baby kicking against his ribs during the day, wants to have that pregnancy glow, the morning sickness and the most important, he wants a baby bump.

_ A beautiful and small baby bump _ , for everyone to touch, rub and for his husband to kiss and whisper sweet nothings to their baby.

_ But that’s not how biology works. _

He knows it. In fact, every time he sees a pregnant woman he feels jealous, and after the jealousy comes the sadness of thinking about what he would never have.

Right now they are celebrating James' birthday in Los Cabos, Mexico. He has a raspberry margarita on his hand while he talks to James' wife .

He sees Louis near the bar talking to a woman, _ a pregnant woman _ , and he can’t help but feel a ping of jealousy. Not because his husband is talking to a woman, he knows Louis is Gay as fuck, it’s because of that small and round bump under the woman dress is a constant reminder of what he could never have. 

At this point of the conversation he’s nodding to whatever Julia’s saying, pretending he’s listening but he lost track of what she was talking about long ago. He’s just focused on Louis, and when he sees his husband put his hand on the woman’s belly he feels a knot on his stomach, like something precious was taken from him . 

“ H, are you ok?” Julia asked him worriedly. 

“Yeah, good it’s just I need to go outside for a while. It’s hot in here and I feel a little suffocated,” He excuses himself and goes outside. He sits on one of the big chairs, waiting for the knot in his stomach to go away.

This isn’t the first time it's happened. It usually takes half an hour or less to get better. Except when the baby gate was announced, he was in bed for days and the knot in his stomach didn’t go away.

“Hey Love,” says a familiar high pitched voice, sitting next to him and throwing an arm around his neck .

“You shouldn’t be here Louis, it’s not safe,” he tries to move away, but Louis gets closer.

“Nah, the cameras can’t get us here, besides I wanted to smoke a cig,” Louis finally shifts away.

“Well I’m going for a walk then, I need fresh air not smoke.” 

“Harry, babe, why are you acting so weird? Are you angry at me?”

“No, of course not. It’s just I don’t like it, you know that.”

“H, you can’t lie to me. C’mon, just tell why you are acting so fussy.”

“Can we talk later? It’s a birthday party and I don’t want to ruin the mood.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. Now come on scoot over here.”

Of course that later never comes. They go back to England, Louis working on the album and Harry was busy with his friends. 

The jealousy knot happens again when Harry goes to the Pharmacy to fetch some condoms and lube. He’s at the sexual health aisle, looking for the strawberry flavour they always use, and then he sees a whole shelf with pregnancy tests. He looks at the different brands, prices and even the ones that tell you the week of your pregnancy. 

And then he starts thinking,  _ what if he could have babies? _ He would grab different tests, go home and wait, and then when he would see two pink lines. He would cry and call Louis, no wait, maybe he should wait for his husband, put the test in a box and give it to him as a surprise. Or should he buy little vans and...

“Sorry, Are you going to buy one?” His thoughts are broken by the soft voice of a woman. He looks at her worried expression.

“No, just go ahead.” He moves a little and shakes his head just to remove all those stupid thoughts out of his mind.

He quickly grabs the first bottle of lube he sees and rushes to the checkout, just to pay and get home as quickly as possible.

“Got loads done today at the studio babe. God I’m so exhausted,” says Louis laying on the sofa 

“Oh uhm, yeah that’s cool Lou,” Harry replies, lost in his thoughts.

“Harry,” He moves close and holds both of Harry’s hands in his, “we’re going to talk about whatever is going on with you. Now.”

Harry knows there’s no escape. Louis is his husband and can read him like an open book; he can’t pretend anymore that everything is fine . But God how could he understand? He’s going to think he’s a freak and leave him .  _ He can’t.  _

“Don’t worry about it... it’s something stupid,” He says with a trembling voice.

“Love, it isn’t stupid if you’re like this. You are about to cry and I know it. This is important to you. You’re the love of my life. I don’t know why you can’t trust me.”

That final phrase makes Harry collapse and throw himself into Louis’ chest, sobbing and choking on his own words “I can’t… I can't, I'm sorry.”

The blue eyed boy engulfs him with his arms and tries to shush him “It’s ok baby, deep breaths for me sweetheart,” he pets his hair, trying to soothe the poor boy.

“It doesn’t make sense.” He cries.

“What doesn’t make sense princess?” He wipes Harry’s tears away with his thumb.

“Me. I don’t make sense.”

Louis looks at him with a worried and confused expression, “what do you mean?” He says while he caresses his arm with his thumb.

Harry shakes his head between sobs. 

“Baby, Princess, I cannot help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” That’s the word.  _ Wrong.  _ He is wrong. Men can’t get pregnant; He’ll never get pregnant.

“It’s nothing... It’s just a thought. You’ll think I’m a freak.”

“Harry I don’t care. This is important to you, whatever it is I’ll support you.”

“I want a baby,” he says with his eyes shut.

“Haz, you know I want nothing but to have kids with you, but in a couple of years maybe, yeah? When our lives have settled down a bit. We both agreed that right now isn’t the best time love,” He smiles sweetly, and pushes Harry’s curls off his face.

He shakes his head again frustrated and inhales deeply.  _ This is it. _

“No you’re not getting it… I want a baby inside me.”

“Oh,” that’s all Louis mutters, just  _ oh. _

They stay quiet for a couple of minutes, Harry avoiding Louis' gaze and crying in silence. Louis somehow wants to tell him that isn’t how biology works, bring back the old birds and the bees talk he had at school. But he doesn’t have the heart to explain it to Harry like he’s an infant. Louis had a feeling this whole shebang probably means a lot to him.

“It’s okay if you want to leave you know,” Harry says with a trembling voice whilst staring at the wall.

“Hazza,” he cradles Harry’s face between his palms and looks into his green and glassy eyes, “I’ll never leave you. I love you so much. This just took me by surprise a little and I don’t really know what to say or what you want me to say.”

He smiles weakly and kisses the corner of his husband's lips “Thank you...for not leaving.”

“Never. Now love, care to talk about it? We can go to bed if you want. It’s more comfortable in there,” Louis asks. Harry nods and they walk to their bedroom. Louis adopting his rightful place as the big spoon with his husband's head on his chest.

“I know it’s impossible, that I’m a boy, that I don’t have the biological necessities to have a baby. But I’ve always wanted to be pregnant. Having that pregnancy glow, the cravings, feeling someone I helped to create grow and move inside me,” He stops exhaling before continuing, “having a baby bump for everyone to rub, touch and compliment me about. Whenever I saw a pregnant woman I felt jealous of her, because she can have what I can’t.” 

They've talked about Harry’s gender identity before. Louis asked him if he identifies himself as a girl, since he started wearing more feminine clothes, began shaving his body and started applying a light coat of makeup. _ “I know I’m a boy, I’m ok with male pronouns, I just don’t follow gender stereotypes and I like feeling pretty.”  _ He hasn’t brought back the topic since then, always encouraging his baby to wear and do whatever makes him happy.

“Babe I know we’ve talked about this before but I need to ask, do you feel comfortable with your body still? I mean if you want to change your body you know I will still love you the same.” He hopes Harry doesn’t get offended, he just wants his husband to feel completely comfortable in his own skin. 

“I don’t wanna go transitioning Lou. Even if I got boobs and vagina, I can’t get pregnant. I’m okay with my body except for the fact that I can’t have a baby. I don’t feel like a girl and I don’t want female pronouns, I mean yeah I like when you call me princess and maybe I have a bit of a feminization kink but it’s only a sexual thing, it doesn’t define what I identify with,” He explains frustrated, “We had this conversation already once. Do you want me to be a girl?”

“God Harry no, that’s not what I meant. I just want you to feel comfortable in your body that’s all.” 

“Well I don’t Louis, I don’t have a uterus to grow a baby and no surgery or hormone treatment could ever change that,” he says defensively. Louis is surprised, it's not often he sees Harry like this, all aggressive and talking with harsh tones. He’s kind of scared to say anything wrong. 

After an uncomfortable silence Louis breaks the ice “Gonna make me a cuppa, want anything?” 

Harry shakes his head. Louis goes outside and lights a cig, knowing if he told Harry he was going to smoke, he’ll just be more angry. He inhales the smoke of his mentholated cigarette letting the nicotine calm his nerves. He wants to help Harry even if he doesn’t fully understand the whole situation but can he?

....

Louis sits up at the edge of the bed looking at the floor. Now everything’s making sense, baby gate, him interacting with pregnant women that’s what made Harry pissed the other day.

“Baby I… don’t know what to say really... I wish I could’ve notice this sooner, God all the times I made you feel bad.”

“You didn’t know back then Lou,” Harry interrupts, siting beside Louis, “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier though, it was stupid,” He look at Louis with a sad smile. 

“It isn’t love, I wish I could do something to make you feel better. Believe me if I could change biology, I would make you a baby right now,” he chuckles. Harry blushes and smiles shyly showing his dimple.

“Maybe one day,” He exhales, “You know how fast science goes these days. I’m sure they’ll find a way to get men pregnant,” he says with a hopeful smile. 

Louis looks at him and cups the back of Harry’s neck, “there’s my happy princess again,” he kisses his forehead, “Let's have a cuddle yeah?” 

They go to bed, Harry assuming his rightful place as the little spoon.

“When did you start feeling like this love?” He asked, caressing his arm. 

“I guess it started when I was a child. I used to put pillows under my shirt pretending I was pregnant and taking care of baby dolls. Also the fact that I was more feminine than other boys, wearing dresses and makeup. My mom noticed this and asked me if I identified myself as a girl, if I wanted to be called another name or use another pronouns. I didn’t understand back then why she asked me all this, I was happy the way I was. But then other kids started making fun of me, telling me I was weird and refusing to play with me.” 

Louis kissed Harry’s forehead and started caressing his hand with his thumb, he nodded at the younger boy to continue, “when I was eleven, we had a sex ed lecture in school, I raised my hand and asked if men can get pregnant,” he sighs and his bottom lip stars to wobble, “Of course everyone laughed at me. That day in my free period, I was beaten in the boys restrooms. They punched me in the stomach so hard that I ended throwing up twice and I remember some blonde guy spiting at me and yelling,  _ see if you can have a baby now fag _ .”

At this point Harry is choking with sobs, Louis is trying to soothe him so shocked that kids can be so cruel, “God, Harry I’m so sorry you had to go through all that alone, doll . Have you ever told anyone else about this?” He feels the younger boy shake his head against his chest, big fat tears dampening his shirt. Louis remains silent comforting Harry with just soft touches, until the younger falls asleep.

Louis doesn’t get to sleep though. The more he thinks about it, the more frustrated he gets. He’s supposed to take care of Harry, make him the happiest. But how can he? This is beyond his control, there’s nothing he can do about it, and he hates not having control over things. He feels a hole in his chest, and suddenly he feels like utter shit. How can he help with all of this? Maybe he’s not enough for Harry.

He looks at the curly lad sleeping peacefully on his chest, face still red and raw.  _ His princess  _ . Louis wishes he could take him away for every harm , he literally would do everything for him .

“We’ll figure something out princess,” he whispers, sliding his right hand under Harry’s lilac sweater and stroking his tummy, tracing his ferns tattoos wishing he could somehow put a baby in there to fulfill Harry’s dream, “I promise,” He kisses his forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> A massive thank you to my [beta](http://ohharold.tumblr.com/)


End file.
